trespassing on my happiness

there are so many things that are out of my hands.

i don't like that.

i like knowing the questions and knowing the answers.

i like understanding what i'm dealing with and eliminating the undisclosed.

i like to be able to exert some sort of control over my life and rely on this.

but that's not always possible.

i heard some news the other day.

it came in the form of a letter.

it's so strange how one minute you're trying to decide where to indulge your kids with a cinnamon roll while absently ripping open an envelope.

and the next moment your hand is shaking slightly and you have to fake a smile to your child in the back seat.

you stare at the envelope because it is trespassing on your happiness.

it wasn't invited.

it wasn't even considered.

and yet you have to deal with it.

you wish you could throw it away in the trash with the rest of the junk mail, but this one requires a phone call.

it's walking into the unknown that is so unnerving.

give me a set of parameters i can grasp, instructions i can follow or a play-by-play of what's to come next.

then i can deal.

but this one requires letting go.

it will be what it will be...