Witty without Depth

She made you laugh. She was witty and clever.
She was fun to be around. She was wild. She was crazy.
She talked of others. She seemed to know everyone and their lives.
She knew the best restaurants, the places to see and be seen.
She seemed magnetic. Yet her following did not stick.
She had no depth.

You may be as popular as the latest basketball star, but without depth you'll have no deep-rooted relationships. You'll miss out on that friendship bond that is cemented by deepness.

But how can you tell if a person has depth? It's easy to spot.

They demonstrate the following qualities:

1.) They display character
2.) They exhibit sincerity
3.) They communicate from within

Character: She possesses honor. She's without a doubt, strong. She stands up for what she believes in with fortitude. She's got backbone. She's made up of moral strength and does not compromise. She has willpower that is stronger than an Olympic weight lifter.

Sincerity: She means what she says. She follows through. You never question her ethics or her motive. She's the friend you wish to have in everyone you meet. She puts you before herself. She will always be there for you much like that special place where you feel secure.

Communication: When she speaks, you feel her passion. When she speaks it comes from a place of trust and love. When she speaks she communicates with character and sincerity. She is as communicative as a professor teaching public speaking.

She is interesting.
She is uplifting to be around.
She is modest and humble.
She is positive and does not talk of others.
She is genuine and real.
She is magnetic and her friends love to be with her.
She has depth.

The Lake of Inner Peace

Symptoms of Inner Peace:

-A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experience
-An unmistakable ability to enjoy the moment
-A loss of interest in judging other people
-A loss of interest in judging self
-A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others
-An inability to worry (this is a very serious symptom!)
-Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation
-Frequent acts of smiling
-An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than to make them happen
-An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.

(Unknown)

Inner peace.

I sit at the end of the pier and watch the water. Its tranquility reminds me of the end of a storm. It calms me.

The stillness surrounds me. It reminds me of light pouring through a window.

It calms me.

The serenity is transparent like the water. It's like looking through a piece of stained glass.

It calms me.

The equanimity seeps inside me. It feels like hot wax dripping down a candle.

It calms me.

And I am still.

Inner peace.

Faith is...

Faith is putting your kindergartner on a bus the first day of school.

Faith is trying out a new recipe for a dinner party of six.

Faith is climbing that high dive and jumping in.

Faith is watching your gymnast daughter's routine on the high beam.

Faith is trusting your fellow employee will finish his presentation on time.

Faith is holding hope's hand.

Faith is  wondering if your blind date will go well.

Faith is leaving your child in a baby sitter's hands for the first time.

Faith is trusting a friend will not let you down.

Faith is believing there is a God out there.

Faith is believing in yourself despite making yet another mistake.

Faith is supporting your child even though they may try your patience.

Faith is  watching your baby take its first step.

Faith is  finding yet another reason to trust.

Faith is believing when no one else will.

It was...

It was gray and it was dark
for nine years.

It was quiet and it was insidious
for even she could not define.

It was manipulative and it was accusing
for it was always her fault.

It was tiring and it was draining
for she bared it alone.

It was demeaning and it was humiliating
for it was behind closed doors.

It was jittery and it was fearful
for she knew not when it would happen.

It was difficult and it was challenging
for no one should go through it.

It was clandestine and it was secret
for no one knew...

It Wasn't Her Time To Go

She was only three years old.

We were sitting in the doctor's office. She was on my lap as I read her a book. The Velveteen Rabbit. One of her favorites.

We came in that morning because she had slept restlessly with a fever. It was rising. She was quiet and lackluster but still engaged in her book.

And then I noticed her head was still. I had asked her a question about the rabbit.

No answer.

I looked down at her arms which had fallen by her side. Her hands were clenched in fists. Her head was now making little, fast bobs right and left. When I turned her around her whole body was limp.

Her face was what scared me the most. Her eyes looked like empty pools of glass. No expression whatsoever. Her teeth were locked together. She didn't respond when I spoke to her.

I felt like I was losing her.

I jumped from the chair, her body weighing twice its usual weight as she hung down lifelessly.

"I need a doctor" I shouted frantically down the hallway.

The nurse took one look at us and bolted to find the doctor as though she was a track star being chased to the finish line.

I had tears in my eyes. Everything was happening so fast. And no one seemed to know what was going on. Her fever had jumped from 101 to 105 degrees. They needed to get it down-and fast.

I was afraid. Really afraid.

They iced her body and gave her a double dose of Motrin. Her temperature dropped back down to 101. She was stable.

And I was shaken.

They diagnosed it as a febrile seizure. It usually happens in children between the ages of 3-5 years-old. It occurs when a child's temperature spikes too high, too fast.

Fear - an emotion none of us likes to experience. Yet no one can escape it.

It shapes and molds us. It makes us stronger. It makes us resilient.

Without fear we would not be the person we are today.

Lust

It's Tuesday. Which means it's "Terrible Tuesday". And it's time for the last of our sins in the series of "The Seven Deadly Sins." Today's final sin is: Lust.

I saw him walk into the room. He was tall. He was dark. And he was definitely handsome. As the saying goes.

I positioned myself where I could keep a good eye on him without being noticed like a spy on a covert ops mission.

My insides were doing flip-flops. My legs were a little shaky. And my cheeks were flushed the color of a cherry popsicle.

I was 19 and I had a severe case of Lust.

It's not like it was the first time. But I remember this experience so vividly it was like I was looking into a mirror of yesterday.

I completely lost myself. I lost composure. I lost poise. And, I lost my ability to think clearly like a sailor drunk on beer.

This was big-time Lust.

What I remember is the profound effect Lust had on my body, mind and soul.

The physical reaction to Lust was not as big of a surprise as the other two. However, the force of of its power over me was unnerving. My armpits were sweating. My breath came in little gasps. My eyes bugged out like a big horny toad. And that's about as attractive as I felt at that moment as he continued not to notice me. I could not ignore the electricity jolting through my body.

Scary.

My mind was completely screwed up. Girlfriends tried to talk to me. I gave one syllable responses. Other guys asked me to dance. With my eyes still glued to my target, I swatted them away with my hand as though I was swatting away flies. I was completely unaware of those around me. Like a train chugging forward on a one way track, my mind followed in the same direction with Lust driving my train.

Scary.

Finally on a soul level, I felt rocked to the very core.  My soul was reaching out to his. What a liar. My soul was reaching out to Lust and grasped it with a death grip, unwilling to let go. My soul was locked in a false pretense that we were made for each other like chocolate chip cookies and a glass of milk.

Scary.

The story ends with no saucy details to report. No Lusty throes of passion embedded in my memory. No fulfillment of desire. And no Harlequin Passion romances inspired here.

My Lust still remained but my target was elusive.

They Love Talking...

Count not him among your friends

who will retail your privacies to the world.

(Publilius Syrus)

The gossip was circulating as fast as blood flows through the body. 

Why on earth would she do it? She's probably cheating. I hear she's just fed up. But really I think she's just being a bitch. She doesn't know what she wants. She just doesn't appreciate what she has.

They were talking about me.

I was the one who filed for divorce.

I was the only one who knew the reason why.

The gossip continued to feed on rumors and malicious hearts.  Everyone in the circle around us had some theory or  another and they were bouncing them all off each other like a basketball bouncing off a hoop.

I had no reason to share anything with them. 

It was private. It was painful. And it had nothing to do with them.

As long as the silence continued, the rumors intensified out of people's frustration.

"Why, please tell us why you 're doing it?" they begged.

Why do people thrive on others pain? What is it that gets them off?

I'm convinced that they're comforting themselves with an "At least this isn't me attitude." They may be unhappy in their own lives and they take relief in thinking someone else has it worse. And they cherish the ability to advertise this.

They are pathetic.

People are inherently bored. There's a certain amount of excitement associated with feeling they've got the inside scoop. They feel entitled. Somehow like the star of the show when they take the lead in spreading it around. It makes them feel important.

They are egotistical.

When someone gossips  it elevates the person gossiping. They take credit as though they've discovered some nugget of information. And everyone who gossips swears their version is the "truth".

They are wrong.

I've never seen any positive outcome of gossip.  Gossip is destructive.

It kills friendships. 

It destroys trust.

It exacerbates pain.

It has no real purpose.

Next time you hear a little bit of news on the side, think about the motive behind it. Realize it's gossip. 

Don't give it credit by passing it around. Instead think to yourself, "gossip sucks".

He's my Dad

He's quiet. He's wise. 

He's my Dad.

He's a man of integrity. He's devoted.

He's my Dad.

He's gentle.  He's kind.

He's my Dad.

He's patient. He's understanding.

He's my Dad.

He's sensitive. He's loving.

He's my Dad.

He's a good man.  He's my hero.

And he's my Dad.

“Any man can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a dad.” (Proverbs)

Peace

"Peace has to be created, in order to be maintained. It is the product of Faith, Strength, Energy, Will, Sympathy, Justice, Imagination, and the triumph of principle.

It will never be achieved by passivity and quietism."

(Dorothy Thompson)

Sex and Spirituality

"Sex is about sharing and exchanging energies that originate more from our souls than just our heads or our genitals. It is about uniting our longing for wholeness and connection, yearnings that are naturally sacred and spiritual."  (Spirituality World)

Sex and spirituality. An odd combination.

Originally when I would think about sex I would think of raw passion or slow lovemaking. I’d never considered that it could be spiritual as well. Not when I was young.

But the greatest answer to passion I’ve learned is to include your spirituality. This is the true meaning of intimacy.

It’s flesh and flesh and soul and soul. It’s a deep union that cannot be mimicked. It’s a union of flesh and spirit.

In this case your sexual desire is sacred.

Sex is filled with energy. Not your typical energy but energy that comes from within. It’s life’s breath inside your body.

Spiritual energy is erotic. It’s a sacred sensuality that explodes between two people.

When you share this energy it’s almost a religious experience. Not only do you get the physical pleasure, you get a spiritual connection that can’t be broken.

You exchange a little bit of your soul with every touch. With every sexual experience.

Resistance to this type of lovemaking is usually based on fear or ignorance.

Fear is wrapped up in your own spiritual past. There is much taboo in the church with regards to sex. Judgments are made. The message that it’s wrong is often communicated. This combination makes for a very inhibited experience.

The suppression of desire is false and ugly. Whereas the freedom to experience this deeper level of sex is healthy and freeing. It can lead to healing growth and self-understanding.

These needs and desires can be met with two like-minded spiritual people.

It’s a sexual experience that will be embedded in your memory. And once experienced you will never settle for less.

Faith'sTouch

"Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to." (Unknown)

The only thing I had during that time was my girls.

I stood in an empty house. Filled with empty dreams.

I had but one friend who stood by me. I had lost all of the rest.

I had yoga. I had reading. I had writing.  And that was all.

I tried to be spiritual but had no connection. It was like a busy signal and no one was answering.

It brought me to my knees - this aloneness. It scraped them. They bled. I was falling apart. 

I felt I had nothing.

It was a cold time. Both indoors, outdoors and inside my heart.

For those in the family who did want to get close to me they could not climb the brick wall I had built around me.

All I was left with at this lowest time was a tiny seed of faith. Where it came from I will never know.

But deep down in my insides it slowly grew.

My turtle shell was cracking and I had no choice but to come out.

Faith, it was what got me out of bed in the morning. And it was what tucked me in at night.

It was what made me laugh with my girls as they jumped in a pile of leaves.

It brought truth. It brought joy. It brought trust.

It was what eventually encouraged me to reach out and ask for help.

Faith is what made me whole again.

The Eye of a Needle

It was pitch black outside. The kind of black where you can't see a foot in front of you.

I held up my hand to test this theory. I couldn't see a thing.

And then it struck me. How similar it was to a conversation that had taken place earlier in the day.

I was talking with a friend who so vehemently defended her opinion that she couldn't even listen to a contrasting point of view.

Her mind was black. She couldn't see beyond her own ideas. 

How sad.

I couldn't get a word in with regards to this topic. She was so defiant. She was so stubborn. 

She was so threatened.

I'm not sure where the insecurity came from. Perhaps low self-esteem? An uncompromising perspective? An overwhelming desire to be right? 

Some may make excuses for her.  And while I did feel sorry for her I still believe we have a responsibility to listen to all opinions involved. No matter who delivers them.

Life becomes so small with her attitude. Smaller than the eye of a needle.

Being unable and unwilling to listen, limits your range of knowledge. Which limits the size of your world. 

Often times it's rooted in judgement.

I can't stand judgement. I have no time for it and the people who carry it. (Was I just passing on my own judgmental attitude by voicing that?)

Anyway this interaction was a reminder to me of how important it is to relax, quietly let your opinion be known and then sit back and listen.

For aren't the wisest people the ones who speak the least?

Greed

It's Tuesday. Which means  it's "Terrible Tuesday". Which means it's time for my sixth post on the Seven Deadly Sins. This week's sin is: Greed.

So I was thinking about greed all day today. Really thinking about it.

And wondering how much it affects my life.

My first inclination was to proudly say no. Ahh, finally a sin I can honestly say doesn't touch me. Oh god, I remember saying that once before in this series. I shoulda known better.

Because, yes, I did come up with a few ways I experience that greed feeling. One in particular. Quite honestly, in my defense, I'm not sure any of us mere humans can escape these deadly sins.

Not unless you're perfect, which I think we've clearly established that I am not.

I needed to open my mind a little. This is not the typical greed. This isn't a money-grubbing desire for wealth. It isn't a gluttonous hoarding of food. And it isn't a thirst for power.

Instead, if I'm really honest with you (which is difficult to do as I write) my greed is manifested in a need for praise.

Growing up in a family that affirmed you with a "good job" after I tied my shoes did not help. If it wasn't my shoes, it was my grades. Or my tennis. Or my outfit. Or my personality. Or my... and on it went.

Praise, praise, praise.

Which of course I loved. I soaked it all up like a wet sponge. 

Who wouldn't?

It became a thirst for me. And if, for some reason, I didn't get any praise I'd wonder why. 

Was there a problem? Was I doing it right? Saying it right? Playing it right? Wearing it right?

Rarely was that a problem living with my parents. I felt like I was invincible. But funny that, as soon as I left home, I found the praise lacking. 

At first I was confused. I was like a little puppy staring upwards with that sweet face that asks, "What did I do wrong?" And then I was frustrated, "Isn't anybody gonna notice me?" I'm doing my best here.

Now I'm not saying I never received praise after that. But what finally hit me was how dependent I was (am) on receiving that praise.

I'm not sure how I totally overcome this one. I think I may be a little scarred like a first degree burn. But isn't the first step awareness?

I'm working on self-affirmation. Reaching inside to feel good about myself. And it's improving. 

After all, I am my greatest cheerleader.

What Am I?

A Hindu Proverb

"God loves us

Not for what we are

But what he can make of us."

(Sri Chinmoy)

What am I?

I find myself asking that question on my more introspective days. 

I want to be someone exotic. Mysterious. 

Maybe the women's version of James Bond. "greylord, ss greylord." (Hmm, doesn't seem to work quite as well.) 

I want to be glamourous. Exciting. Just like Fergie.

I want to be stylish. Stylish like the women you see on the cover of In Style magazine.

I want to be worldly. Sophisticated. Cosmopolitan.

But what am I?

I am nothing like that...

I'm a mother of two children under the age of eleven. 

I live in a town called Carefree (30 minutes north of stylish Scottsdale).

I'm a wife. I'm a daughter. I'm a sister.

What else am I?

 

I am impatient. I am selfish. Much like you see when someone's in line, tapping their foot and thinking they should really be at the front of the line.

I am prideful. I am late (always). "Five more minutes" is my creed.

I am naive. I am egotistical (man, this part of the post is rough).

But it's not all bad.

I close my eyes and realize these are all traits that I have control over. This is not what I am. Instead I think more spiritually. Spiritually, like the kind where angels are floating around, spiritually. (I get teased for that one...)

I believe there is a God and what has he made of me?

I am gentle. I am sensitive.  I feel the pain of others and want to make it go away.

I am kind. I am thoughtful.  I want everyone around me to be happy- an impossible expectation, but I try. 

I am patient. I am loving. I fall in love with almost anyone and anything.

He's created this. He's taken what I am - the mother of two, the wife, daughter and sister and he's made me this way.

I couldn't do it without him.

A Hindu Proverb

"God loves us

Not for what we are

But what he can make of us."

(Sri Chinmoy)

He says Jump, I say No

I had a teacher once who challenged me. 

He was not an ordinary teacher. More like a guru.

Prideful that I am, and as attached to routines as I am, I fought every one of his lessons like a little lion cub proving his strength.

He'd say jump, and I'd back up. He'd say slow, and I'd speed up. And on it went.

I always wondered why he didn't give up on me. As rebellious as I was he would sit patiently. Waiting for when I seemed ready. He never pushed until it was my time.

How did he know when it was my time?

He always knew.

He would put me in an asana and gently tell me where my body needed to move. Without even touching me he could communicate where he wanted my left hand to stretch on the floor.

I would push even further into a more challenging depth and he would stop me with a look.

And then he would lecture me about ego and how it has no place on the yoga mat. He would share these words in a proverb. A Hindu proverb. And I would listen. 

He turned me away from the mirror so I would not look at my reflection. He wanted me to focus on my breathing only. He wanted me to let go of my pride like letting go of a precious family possession, so difficult to do. 

I found my yoga grew even deeper in these sessions.

And my spirit softened. I did not always know where he was going with his words but I trusted. There is much to learn from a man who's practiced yoga for over thirty-five years. 

There is much to learn if you stop talking and listen. 

He was a very wise man.

The books he recommended changed my life in a profound way. His own writing he shared sparingly. And when he did the truth of it would bring tears to my eyes.

After some time I felt my pride begin to melt away like hot wax dripping down a candle.

And when I opened up was when the beautiful started happening.

I had a teacher once, more like a guru...

Sunken Eyes

Her face was worn, like a crumpled map that had been used too often.

Her eyes were sunken, hollow and lifeless.

Her skin pale as though she'd colored it with white chalk.

And I was asked to reach out to her.

I didn't want to patronize her. I didn't want to speak any differently to her than I would any other person in my life. I was at a loss for words so I just sat down next to her on the floor.

She was wringing her hands nervously like she was wringing out a wet towel.

I was silent.

We sat like that for some time. Just she and I. On the floor. People walking past.

They glanced our way, and did a double take. Normally she was ignored, but today I was catching their attention.

"What are you doing here?" they silently asked. "Why are you with her?"

I did stand out like a clown in a classroom. But I did not move.

Once, I quickly darted my eyes her way and noticed she had stopped wringing her hands. She had them placed by her side. The rocking that I had noticed in the beginning had stopped.

It gave me hope.

I still hadn't spoken a word. I sat calmly and realized she had never looked directly at me. She was like a little boy getting in trouble with a teacher. Eyes nervous. Avoiding. Ashamed.

Still I sat.

I realized there was a stench coming from her. A smell like she hadn't showered in months. 

I moved a tad closer. She didn't move away.

Time stood still. 

Close to an hour or so later a bell sounded for dinner at the shelter. I thought she would jump up, eager to be first in line. I had heard her stomach growl.

But instead, she sat. We watched as people young and old scurried into line, like ants marching back to their home.

Still she sat.

When the last one had passed she stood up slowly. But did not move. Just as slowly I slid up the wall until I stood several inches above her.

For the first time she looked up and into my eyes. Her arms came up tentatively from her sides. 

And she hugged me. 

I was shocked. But determined not to show it, I hugged her back.

And when I was about to let her go, she squeezed me closer and whispered two words in my ear.

"Bless you."

Disappointment is...

"Disappointments are to the soul what the thunderstorm is to the air." (Friedrich von Schiller)

I found myself disappointed today. I tried to let it go. To be big and to refuse to let it bother me. Yet I hung on to it like a mother clings to her child.

Disappointment's an emotion that's ageless. It doesn't discriminate between race. It has no bias for one sex or the other. It's sneaky that way.

Disappointments are endless. They are inescapable. 

Disappointment is:

- getting a B- when you were expecting an A.

- asking someone to prom and finding they've already been invited.

- missing that final round of an audition.

- being told they went with the other guy for the job.

- having your girlfriend cancel on a girls night out.

- losing a phone number of a good looking guy you met at a party.

- being cut from the team.

- hosting a dinner party and having several couples cancel. 

- ordering your favorite entree and having it arrive cold.

- missing an important phone call you've been waiting on for hours.

- an emotion that breaks you down rather than builds you up.

- a wasted sentiment.

Tell me I'm not alone. Please. What are your disappointments?

The Things I Did

I danced with abandon on a stage in my head.

I sang so loud my throat was sore. 

I loved until my heart would burst.

I cried and cried until there were no more tears.

I practiced yoga and let the motions take over.

I forgave and I forgave and I forgave.

I let go of my ego and my soul soared.

I wrote until my fingers hurt.

I prayed until He heard me.

I meditated until the night came and went.

I watched the little ones laugh and play.

I listened to a very, very wise man.

I gave until I ran out of time and energy.

I gave until my wallet was empty.

I walked until I knew not where I was.

I laughed until tears streamed down my face.

I connected with family in a way I had never done.

I communicated with my mouth but words came from my heart.

I rejoiced at freedom.

I prayed for peace.

I slept with the knowledge that I am not alone...

Who's afraid of change?

I had the perfect opportunity.

But I was scared.

I needed to start a new life. A new life that was impossible to create in the place I was living at during that time.

But I was scared.

My life required CHANGE.

And I was very scared.

Why is it that we're so afraid of change?

Anthony V. D'Angelo's advice is "Don't fear change, embrace it."

Yet so often we hesitate to open our arms.

I know in my case there are 4 reasons that prevent me from embracing change:

1.) Fear

2.) Stubbornness

3.) Ignorance

and

4.) Complacency

Fear- "The key to change... is to let go of fear." (Roseanne Cash) I think of it as standing at the very end of a tall high dive. I'm determined as I climb up the stairs that this time I will do it. However, when faced with the reality, fear makes me hesitate. The only way to overcome this fear is to jump feet first into that vast pool of water.  In other words, "Go for it!"

Stubbornness- "Nothing is easy to the unwilling." (Thomas Fuller) I'm like a dumb mule settling into the mud, rebelling against taking even one step. Nothing can make me take this step. No one can make me take this step. Go on, leave my pride by the side of the road and venture into the unknown!

Ignorance- "Change your thoughts and you change your world." (Norman Vincent Peale) So often it is ignorance of the positive metamorphose that will come from change that stops me from trying. I consider it like a little child refusing to eat spaghetti, little does he know how great it tastes until he actually tries it!

Complacency- "Your current safe boundaries were once unknown frontiers." (Unknown) I get so locked into where I'm at physically and mentally that it is complacency that prevents me from even considering change. Considering change is so threatening to my well being it's like a bird unwilling to rebuild its nest elsewhere, too fixed in one spot. Go on, fly away!

What's interesting is that all of these adjectives are meshed together. Fear produces stubbornness which hides behind ignorance which creates complacency.

I considered this possibility of change in my life.

I knew what promise it held.

I was definitely afraid, excruciatingly stubborn, somewhat ignorant and very complacent.

But guess what?

I did it!

Envy

It's "Terrible Tuesday" and time to continue the series of the Seven Deadly Sins. This week's fifth sin is Envy.

She was drop-dead gorgeous. She wore the right clothes. She drove the right car. She had the right friends. And she had the right personality.

You know the kind. Where every time you meet her she's having a great day. Never catch her in a bad mood. 

Was I envious? Hell yeah!

Should I have been? Hell no!

Little did I know she was miserable. Little did anyone know.

She was a master at hiding behind a mask of happiness when inside she was silently screaming for help like a mute man trying to communicate.

There was no one there for her. We were all too envious.

Envy's destructive. 

It focuses on others and what they have while we lack the appreciation for what is around us. Slowly our life crumbles but we fail to notice because we are too busy watching theirs. 

Envy cripples.

It detracts from growth and it blinds you to your own good fortune. You no longer pay attention to yourself and all your energy is wasted wanting.

Envy stifles.

It suppresses your ability to see your own uniqueness and self-worth. It prevents you from experiencing life at its fullest.

Envy's ugly.

It reveals that side of you that you wish never existed. That jealous, covetousness, green-eyed monster.

Envy exposes.

You want to hide it from everyone and admit to no one that it happens. But it shines this great white light directly at you and you might as well have "envious" written in a caption bubble over your head.

Simply put, "Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own." (Harold Coffin)

You look in the mirror and realize you're not half-bad looking at all. Your own clothes are actually pretty stylish. Your car drives well. Your friends are awesome. And your personality is magnetic when you let it shine.

Was anyone envious of you?

Hell Yeah!

Do they have reason to be?

Hell yeah!

Would you want them to be?

Hell no!

Balance Without Falling Off the Edge

I was rushing around at two hundred miles per hour like a race car in the Indy 500.  There was Tae Kwon Do for the girls at 4:00. Coffee with a girlfriend at 4:30. Stopping by Barnes and Noble for a yoga book before picking up dinner at a nearby grocery store. All before 6:30.

Was I crazy? Had I lost my mind? I had been up late the night before writing on my computer. Late like you're late for a bus. Missing out on sleep.

Before I knew it, it was after one. I was up by five to go walking in this crazy Arizona before it got 105 degrees. I practiced yoga when I got home and dropped the girls off at school at 8:30.

You'd think at this point I would sit down. Or fall over. But there were more errands to be run. I was late for lunch with my mom who has an infinite amount of patience and forgiveness. And I snuck in one more errand before picking up the girls at 3:45--just enough time to get them to Tae Kwon Do.

There was seriously something wrong with me.

I'm not SuperWoman, nor would I want to be. I'm not even close to a Super-anything. I live my life. Love my husband. Take care of my girls. Try to be a good daughter, sister. And there's the little stuff wedged between like peanut butter on white bread.

"Be aware of wonder. Live a balanced life--learn some and think some, and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some." (Robert Fulgham)

I was so disconnected from this quote that it made me cry. Literally. I plunked myself down on a bench, re-read the quote and just sat there. Then I sprung into action. The good kind.

I picked up my cell phone and cancelled tomorrow's hair appointment. I made arrangements for the girls to take the bus. Suddenly I had a whole morning free and I felt giddy, like a little girl who gets her first "Baby Alive" doll.

I realized I had completely lost balance in my life. Even my yoga was becoming a routine instead of a timeless flow where I listen to my body and it tells me what to do next.

I wanted to draw and paint. So I sat down with my younger one and copied animal figures from her "How to Draw..." book. I was no Van Gogh but I settled for Picasso.

I wanted to sing and dance. I'm crap at singing. But I can pull off the shower variety kind. So I belt it out that morning in the shower. Loud enough for my girls to think I was crazy. Crazy like some of the jokes on Jay Leno.

I wanted to play and work. Ahh, finally the balance. I was now re-discovering how to play. It is a learned skill, this letting go. A real tough one like learning trigonometry in high school. This surrendering of your schedule and prioritizing what's important in life.

After all, will my children remember that I got them to Tae Kown Do four times a week or will they remember me playing Sims 2 with them on their PS3? Snickering and giggling over the outfits we were giving the Sims characters.

Balance. You cannot truly live life without it. You can't extract all of its joy when you do not have balance, like you can't extract all of the juice from an orange if you throw it away halfway through.

"What I dream of is an art of balance." (Henri Matisse)

Let There Be Peace

BAHA'I PRAYER FOR PEACE

Be generous in prosperity,

and thankful in adversity. 

Be fair in judgement,

and guarded in thy speech, 

Be a lamp unto those who walk

in darkness and a home to a stranger

Be eyes for the blind, and a guiding light

unto the feet of the erring

Be a breath of life to the body of

                                     humankind, a dew to the soil of

                                     the human heart,

                                     and a fruit upon the tree of humility.

Sometimes I'm so caught up in my own life, worries, aspirations, dreams, hopes, and fears, that 

I forget to give. 

I forget there are other people around me that might need me.

I forget there are emotions that are actions. Actions like: generosity, thankfulness, fairness, hospitality, humility.

I forget we are called to think outside of ourselves and our own needs to satisfy the needs of others. 

I forget how much I love and how much I so value peace. But how can I expect to be a part of it if I am not more sensitive to the process of developing peace?

I can think of ten peace challenges for me to focus on in this next month:

1.) Make-up with that friend you feel so guilty about. You initiate the call.

2.) Plant a tree in your yard. Watch this symbol of peace grow.

3.) Invite your in-laws over for dinner. Don't wait until a holiday.

4.) Bring a meal to a sick friend. Play with their kids.

5.) Say a prayer for a soldier. Pray for peace.

6.) Be the first to say sorry to your spouse. Practice humility.

7.) Bake brownies for a new neighbor. Welcome them warmly.

8.) Thank your daughter's teacher for the fairness she displayed in class. Bring her a gift.

9.) Send a note to a grandparent. Tell them you love them.

10.) Love yourself unconditionally and you will spread peace. See for yourself.

Go ahead and give these a try with me or write down some of your own. 

Imagine this world if we all became this proactive and sensitive.

Om, shanti, shanti, peace.