Next. Next. Next...

I was restless during yoga today.

Eyes wandering across the room like a high-schooler watching the clock during last period. I tried to be furtive. But I spied the time and that was my first mistake.

Then I started making a list of things to do in my head. My second mistake.

And finally, the worst one of all, I started rushing my body through the stretches. Not only is this stupid, I know better. It's an easy way to get injured.

I escaped unscathed, but lacking my usual calm. A bit like a driver's ed teacher who exits the car and breathes a sigh of relief.

I jumped right into the shower, barely dry and onto the computer, phone in one free hand.

This was my relaxing morning. 

Trying to push things faster forward. Just like using the remote during a bad movie.

Maybe it was because I'd come from the gym where I'd been racing along on the elliptical. But this excuse was lame. I often end my workout with yoga. Trying desperately to repair the compression of my spine.

But in the moment I stood still I realized this was a real metaphor for my life right now.

How often I am thinking of the next activity. How many times I open up my blackberry calendar to see what's coming next. Tomorrow. Next week. Next month.

Next. Next. Next.

There's stuff happening in my life right now that I'd rather not have to face. 

So off to the future I go.

I think about when the questions will be answered. I think about a better me in a few months. I imagine the progress made.

And today disappears like a sunset you blinked at and it was gone.

What a waste.

I look at the clock once again. I have plenty of time to sit at my computer. I've already looked at my calendar and know what comes next.

I do not obsess about either. I just sit here and be.

What happens beyond today can wait. It will start with a new morning. A new alarm clock. A new quick peek to see what the demands of the day are. And then I can take it minute by minute. Hour by hour.

This way, today's not going anywhere.

Later this morning, I went back to my yoga. 

I focused on my breathing. I spent an inordinate amount of time on the floor opening up my back.

I closed my eyes. No interruptions in body or mind.

And I was going nowhere but staying in that moment.

Goodbye next, next, next...