Count not him among your friends
who will retail your privacies to the world.
(Publilius Syrus)
The gossip was circulating as fast as blood flows through the body.
Why on earth would she do it? She's probably cheating. I hear she's just fed up. But really I think she's just being a bitch. She doesn't know what she wants. She just doesn't appreciate what she has.
They were talking about me.
I was the one who filed for divorce.
I was the only one who knew the reason why.
The gossip continued to feed on rumors and malicious hearts. Everyone in the circle around us had some theory or another and they were bouncing them all off each other like a basketball bouncing off a hoop.
I had no reason to share anything with them.
It was private. It was painful. And it had nothing to do with them.
As long as the silence continued, the rumors intensified out of people's frustration.
"Why, please tell us why you 're doing it?" they begged.
Why do people thrive on others pain? What is it that gets them off?
I'm convinced that they're comforting themselves with an "At least this isn't me attitude." They may be unhappy in their own lives and they take relief in thinking someone else has it worse. And they cherish the ability to advertise this.
They are pathetic.
People are inherently bored. There's a certain amount of excitement associated with feeling they've got the inside scoop. They feel entitled. Somehow like the star of the show when they take the lead in spreading it around. It makes them feel important.
They are egotistical.
When someone gossips it elevates the person gossiping. They take credit as though they've discovered some nugget of information. And everyone who gossips swears their version is the "truth".
They are wrong.
I've never seen any positive outcome of gossip. Gossip is destructive.
It kills friendships.
It destroys trust.
It exacerbates pain.
It has no real purpose.
Next time you hear a little bit of news on the side, think about the motive behind it. Realize it's gossip.
Don't give it credit by passing it around. Instead think to yourself, "gossip sucks".
8 comments:
There is a thing called the crab mentality. It describes in people the attitude of crabs in a bucket. When one crab is trying to climb out of the bucket the crabs at the bottom of the bucket grab onto the escaping crab and drag him back in. There are two ways of looking at this analogy. First is the obvious example of the "mob" not wanting the individual to succeed, deviate, or escape from the status quo of the group. They will all participate in keeping that individual right where they want him. The second viewpoint would be that the "mob" sees how the individual is either succeeding or heading to certain doom and are either trying to come with the individual or keep him in the bucket where it is safe. (Well in my house all the crabs get cooked and eaten.) Now my point was....=0)
Having been, more than once, the victim of malicious gossip (and even seemingly benign gossip that fed inaccurate depictions of myself and others, leading to false suppositions) I have to agree with you.
It is tempting to share "in the know" material, but rarely is it anything that elevates the person(s) you are talking about. My Mother is fond of saying that if you have to advance yourself by running other people down, you're losing ground.
Everyone wants to feel they know what's going on. It's human nature to be curious. But when we feed that curiosity a junkfood diet of rumour and supposition, we are poisoning our hearts and minds.
I agree with you whole heartedly that gossip is destructive and has no real purpose. I gave a speech to a group of teenage girl scouts a couple of weeks ago. I gave mock interviews. One of my questions was “Describe a problem you have had and how you overcame it”. I was blown away with the answers (and how they handled it). Most girls said that they have major problems with drama and gossip with their friends. Rumors & lies, it was heart breaking. One girl looked like she was going to start crying. Another asked me “Why does it have to be like this” after describing how kids pick on each other and start VERY nasty rumors. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a very good answer.
I do believe that children imitate what they witness. Our society is largely based around stars, stardom and gossip. Look at any magazine rack. Any TV channel. Any Hollywood movie. Our children are groomed from a very young age to have an ever growing appetite for all things glam, glitzy and Hollywood. And along with that comes the gossip. It’s not hard to see how this is transferred to our children. Children turn into adults. And so goes the gossip merry-go-round.
Wow... i went to comment and then read david's and couldn't say it better myself. so very true... and your observations as well. i have gone through the same thing. people judge what they, themselves cannot comprehend. and a majority of society stay in unfulfilling marraiges, lies they call a life, dissatisfying jobs... so they will tear down those who are brave enough to make changes. To admit when something has met its ending. To let go when it is time to move on and let go...kudos to you for seeing through all of this. you are a very strong woman indeed!
Gossip really does hurt. I am sorry you had to go through that and I am sure the gossip only added to your pain. I too have had my share of being gossiped about and really nobody knew the real story. As with you , what I went through was painful but the stigma of gossip added to the injury. It is tempting to want to be in the know but most of the time it really is none of our business.
What a powerful post. I agree that in large part, people feel better about themselves by passing on gossip--at least it's not happening to them. Gossiping seems to have almost a magnetic pull sometimes--when you're surrounded by a group of gossips, you feel almost obligated to add something to the pool. Perhaps the solution is to be more careful about who we surround ourselves with?
Yeah I don't enjoy gossip. People do get off on others pain and then they try to rub it in. Quite pathetic I agree.
david - can't tell you how much i love the crab story. it really hits it straight on. i always learn something from your comments
william - i love your last line in particular. gossip is junk food that not only poisons your mind but can directly hurt the minds of others.
john b - never thought about the whole hollywood gossip thing and how it patterns our young ones at such an early age. good point
aphro-me-siac - thanks for the kudos. i wholeheartedly agree that people judge what they themselves cannot understand. Too bad but true.
health nut - well said. i couldn't agree with you more
anisha - great solution and i agree with you about the magnetic pull. a good way of putting it.
sogeshirts - it's the rubbing it in that hurts, isn't it?
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